Magnificent Mama: Iris S.
Today’s Magnificent Mama is my sister from another mister. Her incredible work ethic and rock solid values paved her path to success. She overcame adversity with grit and grace, and set a wonderful example for her children to follow in her footsteps. I admire her ambition and treasure the insightful advice she’s given me over the years. Please take a moment to learn about, and learn from today’s Magnificent Mama: Iris S.
The Mama
How many children do you have and what are their ages?
I have 3: Dani 15, Didi 14, and Quinn will be 2 on May 19th.
What do you appreciate most about your children’s personalities?
They are all different! They each have parts of me that shine and at times are very trying but you can’t really get mad at “yourself”. I know which traits came from me.
What is something you allowed your children to do that your parents didn’t allow for you?
Eat junk food. If the cheese curls keep the peace…so be it.
What is one thing your parents did for you that you made sure to do for your children?
They taught me to be there and be honest. My dad was and still is my rock, and I am that for my kids. They can always count on me when there may be no one else. Always.
How has motherhood changed the way you feel about your body?
The first two didn’t change my body much, but the third being in my 30’s did a number on me. I don’t feel attractive some days and worry that my husband will look at me different. Some days I hide my nakedness but some days I am confident in the fact that I gave life, and all of me is a gift that gave a gift. I am working on my health for me, I quit smoking for good and started a exercise routine with healthy eating. Not only because I want to be around for my kids but I want to be at my best to keep up with this little one. I am not a spring chicken but it doesn’t mean I have to look and feel like an old chicken. Sexy is a state of mind I am working to get back 🙂
The Woman
What are some of your passions that you have continued pursuing since your children were born?
I’m passionate about school. I went to college when my second was 6 months old. I never stopped until I felt I achieved the goal I set out for myself.
What was one of your passions that you gave up after becoming a mom? Did you ever pick it up again?
I gave up painting. I will start again, but painting takes time, vision and patience. Those things are used up on the kids so I will pick it back up when the last one is more self sufficient.
The quarantine is over and the kids are asleep, where is the first place you want to go?
OUT!! Anywhere that has music, alcohol, and good friends.
Tell us about a book, blog, or website where you found life changing advice.
I like Parents Magazine but mostly I use my close family and friend circle for advice. Also, I’ve found that funny and practical books are a good choice. I like the Toddlers are A$$holes: Its not your fault” book by Bunmi Laditan. I am still reading it. There is also a video where Jennifer Garner reads the book “Go the F*ck to Sleep”. I laughed so hard.
What do you like to do to relax and take care of yourself?
I redecorated my patio to be a more relaxing oasis. There’s nothing better than lighting a tiki torch and sipping a margarita in the warm night air. On the bad weather days, I like to go bowling, nail shop or have a girls dinner out. I believe caring for my mental health and spending time doing things I enjoy some days is better than buying material things.
What She’s Learned
What has motherhood taught you about your own mother?
That my mother was not ready and she dealt with her struggles on her own. She is a phenomenal grandmother to the kids and I wish she would have found a way to be like that as a mother to me.
What is something you have learned that you wish more mothers knew?
Each kid has to be parented differently. What worked for one may not work for the others. It’s okay to not know what to do. It’s okay to adapt and go with the flow. And yes, it’s okay if the routine doesn’t work. We are learning from them what they need and not the other way around. This will help you stay in tuned to how they progress in school and other areas. Didi is a visual person so I help her study with more videos and visual aids and songs. Dani is a more physical learner so we do lots of examples together. Quinn is very into songs and dancing so we do lots of activities and games involving songs to learn.
What do you miss most about your life before children?
Being able to not think about anyone but myself. Indulging in traveling, hanging out, spending money and enjoying the many things in life that I want to do. Sleeping in is taken for granted and being able to on a whim go out without worrying about a sitter or who has a fever. Enjoying the simple things without dragging kids, strollers and diaper bags. The experience is totally different when you travel without the crying and tantrums. You can see the same sights with kids and it still will be missing something, like you can only enjoy a piece of it. You appreciate it more when you have kids. The only thing I can say I don’t miss, is not having their happy, giggling faces. That makes up for it completely.
Which quote or saying do you like to remember when life gets you down?
“It’s not until you get tired that you see how strong you really are.” -Shaun T
You’re a Magnificent Mama! Who helped you become the woman you are today?
Everyone who has been mean or failed me in any way. I came from a lower class, biracial family with a “Black” single father. I had a mother who struggled with alcohol. These things gave me the power to keep moving and to be better. I adapted and adjusted myself to make sure I would not become the stereotype, and the continuance of bad habits and bad decisions. I have a strong wall that I protect my family with, my life with, my inner self with. You don’t build character and survival skills by privilege. My life was tough and I am thankful for some good lessons. But my kids don’t have to have it that tough to understand the same lessons. I want to pass down smarter not harder.
Thank you Iris S. for sharing your honesty and wisdom with all of us.
You truly are a Magnificent Mama, and I’m honored to be your friend.
If you would like to leave any feedback, or participate in the Magnificent Mama Interview Series, feel free to comment below or contact me.
Love,
