Magnificent Mama: Karen E.
This Magnificent Mama is one I hold near and dear to my heart. She has been a wise and wonderful role model in my life for as long as I can remember. In some of the highest and lowest points of my life, I have sought her guidance and benefited from her enlightenment. Please take a moment to learn about, and learn from today’s Magnificent Mama: Karen E.
The Mama
How many children do you have and what are their ages?
I have 2 living children, my eldest is 43 and my youngest will be 40 on May 20.
What do you appreciate most about your children’s personalities?
I appreciate that they are as different as day and night in many ways, and express themselves differently. The eldest is quiet and private and the youngest is vocal and not afraid to be a team leader.
What is something you allowed your children to do that your parents didn’t allow for you?
Because I was raised with extreme restrictions, I was quite relaxed and allowed them the room to experiment with their quest for who they were. Our home has always been our sanctuary. But I had one uncompromising rule for my sons: they were never allowed to hit each other, the same rule I recited to my grandchildren.
What is one thing your parents did for you that you made sure to do for your children?
They kept a roof over my head, food in my belly, and I finished high school. All of which my sons enjoyed.
How has motherhood changed the way you feel about your body?
I opted to breast feed, and only in retrospect do I miss my little B cup, “stand up without a bra'” breasts. My spiritual practice is to appreciate impermanence, where my body is concerned.
The Woman
What are some of your passions that you have continued pursuing since your children were born?
I enjoy cooking and gardening, and I’m a lifelong self-taught student of the culinary arts. I’ve cooked for Buddhist meditation retreats, as many as 22. I have to garden in planters because I can’t bend or stay on my knees any more. But I have potatoes and herbs growing now. Also, I enjoy helping my loved ones improve themselves. Helping them to find their strengths, and encouraging them to speak up for and believe in themselves.
What was one of your passions that you gave up after becoming a mom? Did you ever pick it up again?
I’m passionate about nursing and I traded my nursing career for a job that required me to be on call 24/7, with no vacation or sick leave. And yes, after the last one entered school, I returned to nursing while I went back to school to move from LPN to Registered Nurse. I graduated from nursing school one month before my eldest graduated high school.
When the quarantine is over where is the first place you want to go?
I would like to visit my friend in Oregon, as I was planning a trip before the shutdown. I’d like to have dinner with my children and grandchildren, but at my table, not in a restaurant.
Tell us about a book, blog, or website where you found life changing advice.
Three books, for starters.
1. Inevitable Grace: Breakthroughs in the Lives of Great Men and Women–Guides to Your Self-Realization by Piers Ferrucci
2. The Pregnant Virgin: A Process of Psychological Transformation by Marion Woodman
3. Circle of Stones: Woman’s Journey to Herself by Judith Duerk
Judith’ s book poses this reflective question: “How might your life have been different, if, through the years, there had been a place where you could go?…A place of women, away from the ordinary business of life…a place of women who knew the cycles of life, the ebb and flow of nature, who knew of times of work and times of quiet…who understood our tiredness and need to rest. A place where women could help you to accept your fatigue and trust your limitations, and to know, in the dark of winter, that your energy would return, as surely as the spring. Women who could help you learn to light a candle and wait, how might your life be different?”
When your kids were little what did you like to do to relax and take care of yourself?
I would, on occasion, make a 4 hour window to meet with my closest friends just to do whatever, even if it was to sit on a park bench. But I kept in touch with my friends to have some “adult only” time and conversation.
What She’s Learned
What has motherhood taught you about your own mother?
My mother was so depressed that she was not present, and when she was it wasn’t pleasant. Her inability to express love taught me the need to listen, and love beyond myself. I was able to put my past behind me to care for my mother through her cancer and death. I also saw violence in my home and something that helped me unlearn violent parenting was an article called the 60 second discipline. It suggested that when a child had done something I felt warranted discipline, I was to stop what I was doing and address immediately. It suggested to monitor your anger and never discipline from anger. The essence of the article was to touch the child, and speak to the offense. I reassured my children that I loved them and it was their behavior that disappointed me. I use that to this day. Continuity is probably the most valuable tool in parenting.
What is something you have learned that you wish more mothers knew?
That each child is an individual and “one size, fits all” mothering will only cause pain and suffering. Hitting children is teaching them that violence is permissible and acceptable from someone who loves them. It is important for our children to respect us, not fear us. Teach children how to resolve conflict without having to resort to physical violence.
What do you miss most about your life before children?
My children are grown and fully sustainable. My life has returned to just me and my husband, and life after the empty nest is wonderful. But when I was in the thick of parenting, I did miss not having to be quite so responsible. I made a vow to myself that my children’s lives would be my priority until they were self sustainable. Therefore, “I” was replaced with two little boys. And it wasn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination, as I, like so many, had selfish habitations.
Which quote or saying do you like to remember when life gets you down?
To this day, I continue to remind myself of impermanence. The only thing that never changes, it that everything is always changing.
You’re a magnificent mama! Who helped you become the woman you are today?
My mother, even if was to teach me how not to mother, she was my first teacher. But I learn by osmosis, just being in the presence of others. Life is a never ending class room.
Thank you Karen E. for sharing your honesty and wisdom with all of us.
You truly are a Magnificent Mama, and I’m honored to consider you a mentor and friend.
If you would like to leave any feedback, or participate in the Magnificent Mama Interview Series, feel free to comment below or contact me.
Love,
