Where Are You, Stay at Home Mom?

Red rover, red rover, I call stay at home mom over! Hold on, I’m not talking about the well-dressed Pinterest Master with the folded laundry, quiet toddlers, clean car, and organized playroom. That is NOT the mama I’m trying to keep it real with. I’m looking for YOU, and you know who you are. The one with no bra on and unbrushed hair at 2pm. An hour when it seems the rest of the world is getting back from lunch and being “productive”. The 2pm stress of the working world comes from wondering if it’s time to buy gas, which route home has less traffic, did they respond to that last email? They’re showered, dressed, caffeinated and focused. They seem to have it all.

Here you sit praying that IF a super late naptime comes you can manage a quick shower. Not normal “quick” either. Cadets in basic training on army bases get more time to shower than you. Scrub the essentials, shaving can wait until next week. You’re out and toweling off before you can say “How the hell are they awake already?” At least you’re clean, for now. Trapped in the endless cycle of preparing food, feeding, clean the child, clean the highchair, clean the dishes. As soon as you reach your cold coffee it’s time to start the cycle again.

I snuck over to a neighbors Halloween party a few weeks ago for my first chance to socialize toddler-free in months. I met a nice young couple and explained that I used to work at the same place where the lady was currently working. Then came the dreaded “Where do you work now?” and I said that I’ve stayed home with my son for over two years. After another strong drink, the guy asked me “So what’s it like being a stay at home mom with a two year old?” I told him to imagine a tornado hitting every ten minutes. Sometimes you’re the paramedic, sometimes you’re the cleanup crew, and sometimes it destroys some meaningful item of yours. At other times you manage the shelter where food, water and sleep only happens when you coordinate everything perfectly. One small mistake on your part means someone doesn’t get those basic life essentials. You don’t know which job is yours until after the tornado strikes so you’re always prepared to do any of them. His eyes widened, jaw dropped and I’m pretty sure his preferred method of birth control was secure for at least another year. While the tornado analogy rings true for any toddler, add in one with extra medical or therapy needs and you have the recipe for F5 tornadoes touching down at least on a daily basis.

Mothers in general have the supernatural ability to fill their children’s wells even when their own is dry. I find this statement to be especially true of stay at home moms since their “only job” is to take care of their children. In the chaos of the day, you may not have time to take good care of yourself. I know a lot of people will tell you that it’s always possible but they don’t walk in your shoes. They don’t know what it takes to be your child’s mother, or the specific and unending sacrifices you make to keep these children alive and well. It takes profound insight and maturity to remember the mistakes made by those who raised you and to consciously do better than them.

I hope you can take good care of yourself, finding time each day to reconnect with the woman you were before becoming a mother. And if you can’t, I understand. Tomorrow is another chance to practice the lessons learned today. Just because you are a stay at home mom it does not mean you’re comfortable, although yoga pants ARE a lifesaver! You are exhausted, you are overwhelmed, you wonder if you’re doing enough good to counteract the occasional bad. I know this because I am right there struggling with you. You are many things mama, but you most certainly are not alone. We’re out here too: bra-less, messy, tired and barely caffeinated. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Sara. A fellow hot mess stay at home mom offering support, humor, advice, and of course: no judgment!