A Letter to the Exhausted, Anxious, COVID-19 Quarantined Mama

This is our moment. A moment our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers went through in some way. When the whole world was terrified, and it was very clear that life as they knew it would never be the same again. For many of them it was war: sending husbands and brothers off to foreign lands only to have them come home shattered if they came home at all. Watching warplanes fly over their heads and homes wondering how they can protect their loved ones. For others it was polio and smallpox, watching their healthy children deteriorate before their eyes.

Economies crashed and families lost everything they’d worked so hard for. Life became less about growth and more about survival. Every generation in one way or another has lived through a world changing moment. We can compare and contrast all we’d like but the fears and insecurities in their hearts were the same then as ours today.

Ours is a different war with an incredibly traumatic disruption to our daily lives. We must learn to do more with less. To reuse, conserve and ration things that are in short supply. We must learn to motivate, support and care for ourselves on our own, as we cannot hug and kiss so many of the people we relied on for comfort and sanity. We have to lean more on our own skills and knowledge than anything else. We must choose to focus on controlling what’s in front of us versus worrying about every single heartache to come.

There was no way we could have prepared for this. We’re isolated from our elders, the ones we lean on for wisdom and direction while we pray they survive. We’ve stepped into all the roles of the village we once depended on. We’re expected to educate our children strictly limited to the confines of our homes. No trips to the museum or library. This virus is unprecedented in many ways, but the key to survival has a precedent if we only look back.

It’s our turn to do what the women who came before us did. Spread our arms as wide as possible to shield our children from the scary reality outside our doors. We roll up our sleeves and dry our tears. Meals get made, dishes get washed, homework gets done and on top of that we make time to make magic. Baking cookies, pretend tea parties, movie marathons, tickle fights, and dance marathons. It’s ok if you can’t make magic happen all the time, brief little moments of joy can leave large and powerful memories in a child’s mind.

We will also lose our tempers plenty of times. Because every ding on the phone, every news headline notification makes us wonder what went wrong now? Who else lost a job, or worse a loved one? How much more bad news can one woman take? Unlike previous generations we face a constant barrage of information that’s true, false and all shades of grey in between. It’s only human to feel helpless and overwhelmed right now.

It’s as if the universe put all the ingredients for insanity into a bowl and spoon fed it to you, while asking you not to go insane. We weren’t built to handle such widespread tragedy in such severe isolation. In our saddest moments, we surround one another. In our happiest moments we surround one another. Between working, learning, eating and virtually supporting our loved ones, we’re burnt out.

The worst is yet to come so there’s no way to look around and assess the damage this virus has caused. We hold it together as long as we can until we can’t anymore. The truth is we’re terrified. For our elders’ safety, for our children’s well-being, for our economic security and for our own sanity.

This pandemic is unprecedented, but that’s a good thing for you. There is no strict manual to follow, so you get to write your own. Whatever it takes for you to survive is the right answer. However much you are able to give to your family is enough. Whatever emotions you’re processing are justifiable and forgivable.

We’ll make it through this. And long after it’s over be able to tell the generations to come how we were strong even though we were scared. How we did the hard things that needed to be done to save lives. How going stir crazy reminded us what’s most important in life. How it made us appreciate the hugs, kisses, laughter and time together with loved ones even more. How we learned that life is too short to spend it being critical of ourselves and others.

After these days you’ll laugh harder, smile brighter, care more deeply and believe in your own resilience. You’ll reach out to old friends, keep coffee dates, and just enjoy the freedoms you took for granted before. The world is changing and you are too. So hang in there mama, you’re doing this right.

Love,

The Micro Mama