7 Simple Special Needs Mom Self Care Ideas
The term “self care” is one I’ve heard over and over from well meaning friends and loved ones. And every time I hear it I cringe a little bit. “You need your sleep, don’t stay up too late.” Agreed, but…from the moment my child opens his eyes to the sweet moment he closes them, he has needs that he cannot meet on his own.
Sure there’s my usual parenting challenges: clothes and tears, mischief and tantrums. Then there’s my special needs parenting challenges: tube feeds and speech delays, medicines and therapies.
Many of us have children who can’t speak, so we spend the day guessing what’s going wrong. Thanks to our mommy spidey senses (or the more psychologically appropriate “hypervigilance”) we guess right more often than not.
Then there are special needs moms whose children can speak. And the agony of knowing exactly what’s wrong when there’s nothing you can do about it. “Mama I’m scared”…”Mama it hurts”…”Mama no one likes me”…
I’ve felt plenty of physical and emotional pain before, but nothing compares to the moments when you know your child is in pain. It’s a heartbreak that so many special needs moms experience over and over on a daily basis, yet you can’t read it on her face. She suits up, works her butt off and doesn’t stop sprinting until her child has what they need.
The mental, physical and emotional gymnastics of our 24/7 job can leave us utterly drained. So when this superhuman goddess gets a moment to breathe how does she spend it?
Maybe in support groups on Facebook, or scouring online forums looking for the next medicine or therapy to try. Maybe she calls a friend or family member, and instead of venting she finds herself sugar coating what happened that day. Sometimes it’s easier than dealing with their shock at how crazy our lives really are.
Maybe she knows that her well has run dry and she needs a minute to replenish her soul. But sometimes searching for self care tips and ideas only reminds her just how difficult and isolating this life can be.
Many suggestions revolve around someone else watching your child. And while it is possible to get babysitters and respite it’s usually a more rare occurrence. Weekly, monthly or maybe never.
There are a myriad of reasons why many of us can’t have our me time at a coffee shop or nail salon. And our energy is zapped so quickly and frequently that we need easier and cheaper ways to recharge.
I want to share my special needs mom sanity savers with you. Most of these require little or no money and time, and all of them can take the edge off enough to get you ready for the next battle.
1.) Positive Affirmations
I find myself engaging in negative self talk a little too frequently. Sometimes I feel guilt about whether I’m doing enough for my son. Sometimes I feel guilt about being so wrapped up in his needs that I can’t be the wife, daughter and friend I’d like to be.
It may take time and effort to even identify when you are beating yourself up. When I hear that critical voice the first thing I do is imagine that those words are being said not to me, but another woman I love. You called my mama lazy? My sister stupid? Don’t make me take these earrings out!
It’s kinda silly, I know. But it instantly snaps me back into reality and I realize that those put downs and criticisms are a waste of time, which I have too little of to begin with.
Then I replace it with the truth: I am loving and I am loved. I am worthy of kindness and care. Today I tried and tomorrow I will try again.
2.) Music
My wonderful husband got me a pair of bluetooth headphones. The nice ones can get pricey but there’s some decent ones for less than $20. They have changed my life for the better.
It makes doing dishes, folding laundry, all the mundane chores go faster. When it’s time to power through my tasks I say “I’m going to the club” and then let Eminem whisk me away.
Even one or two of my favorite songs is enough to ease my mind. I can be somewhere else for moment, and my racing thoughts are replaced with the lyrics and melodies I love.
3.) Reading
I was an unapologetic bookworm when I was younger. Before we had a home computer that was my main source of entertainment. I would devour Little House on the Prairie and Harry Potter.
As I advanced in school there were novels that I was forced to read for the curriculum that I didn’t necessarily enjoy. Fast forward to college where I poured through $300 biology texts and keeping up with friends on Facebook took up my free time.
Somewhere along the line my love of reading disappeared. Now I read journal articles about my son’s medical conditions, books about sensory issues. I realized it’s been too long since I’ve read anything for myself.
Most days my kid isn’t exactly the perfect library candidate. He’s loud and wild and I love that. Not to mention that my mom brain can’t remember to return books on time.
I learned that having a local library card gave me access to the Libby app, and thousands of ebooks and audiobooks I can enjoy from my phone. The books return themselves automatically after a few weeks, no fees and no remembering.
It’s been a wonderful (and free!) addition to my me time. Check to see if your local library has a similar app subscription, and if you can physically go there, even better!
4.) Konmari
One of the first books I read in the libby app was Marie Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It’s been a few months and I’m not gonna lie, my house is not a perfectly organized space yet. But what I learned was a way of thinking about how my possessions reflect my state of mind.
I’ve learned how to let go of clothes that don’t fit well or flatter me, that it’s not my body that needs to change. I’ve learned how to properly fold the clothes that I do love, caring for my things the way they care for me.
I’ve learned to let go of gifts that don’t suit my taste, I can appreciate the loving thought from the person who bought it and still physically let go of the item. I’ve learned how to connect with the things that matter to me, that serve a useful and joyful purpose in my life. Having this connection makes cleaning, tidying and caring for my things less of a chore and more of an act of self love.
Konmari taught me that by respecting and caring for my possessions and living space, I’m better able to practice self love and self respect. By letting go of items with negative associations and things that no longer serve a purpose in my life, I’m able to move forward with more joy and clarity.
5.) Five Minute Beauty Routine
I am madly in love with L’Oreal clay face cleanser. It takes only a minute and my skin feels so smooth and hydrated afterward. I also have this two step whitening toothpaste that makes a huge immediate difference everytime I use it.
Using both takes 5 minutes but I instantly feel better about myself, Mama’s still got it! You don’t need an hour long bubble bath (I mean you do, but hey you got kids) or a complicated 10 step exfoliation to feel better about yourself.
Use your favorite lotion, tweeze your eyebrows, take a few minutes and paint those tootsies. Find that quick little beauty thing that makes you feel happier and spend 5-10 minutes on it.
6.) Mindfully Enjoy Your Favorite Beverage
I’m a coffee fiend, give me ALL the espresso shots. But truthfully they’re more for my son than for me, I need the energy to keep up with him.
My mornings are hectic, by the time he’s dressed, fed and medicated I look like that picture of Albert Einstein, with the bug eyes and hair that looks like I’ve been electrocuted. But when I get a second to breathe I try to mindfully drink a hot tea.
I focus my mind fully on the feeling of the warmth and steam, the taste of the sugar and herbs. Taking a moment to be completely present, and only focused on the good feelings I’m experiencing is refreshing.
This leaves my mind clear to tackle what lies ahead. This mindfulness technique works with milkshakes, beer, any food, whatever makes you happy. Something as simple as a drink is a chance to connect with what makes you feel better and why.
7.) Good Habits
In the madness and chaos of special needs parenting, your time and energy is so focused on meeting your child’s every need that you actually do less than the bare minimum for yourself. Whether it’s drinking enough water, taking your vitamins, or flossing regularly. (coughs *all 3* coughs)
We all have something simple that we don’t find the time to do everyday. If you don’t remember anything else I say special needs mama please remember this: You will never FIND time for yourself. You have to MAKE it.
When your kid needs 110% of you 110% of the time, there will always be some way to spend those 5-10 minute increments each day bettering them. Reading, preparing, phone calls, chores. I GET IT.
Hear me out: You don’t have enough time to get it all done. You will never have a day, hell, a moment when there isn’t something that needs to be done for your child. There’s always more to learn, new things to advocate for. But you have to make your sanity a priority.
The way you wouldn’t skip one of their meds, don’t skip your favorite song. The way you make sure they’re hydrated, make sure you are too. The way you make time to read the newest information on ways to help your child, make time to read something that entertains or helps YOU and YOU alone.
Time isn’t given to any of us, we prioritize every second of our day. You matter Mama, you are someone’s whole world and they need you WHOLE.
Take Care!
Love,
The Micro Mama